The problem is I don't know where to begin. I've already written and deleted 3 different blogs tonight. They either seemed too whiny or too fake or too angry.
So I guess I'll just start and see where I end up...
I am so excited about starting Nursing School next month. It's going to be awesome going with a friend. Hopefully, we can motivate each other and with a study buddy I can get awesome grades!
In order to go to school in Evansville I need to get a job to help pay for gas, my Jeep payments, and upkeep on the Jeep. Right now I am babysitting my niece and nephew but that is only for a few more weeks. So I need to find something more permanent. But the thought of working (even just part-time) and going to school scares me. If I'm working and going to school when am I going to have time to see Blade and Matt? When will I have time to for housework? Who will fix dinner? Where is Blade going to be while I'm at school and work? What if I can't juggle school work, finding time for my guys, and housework?
Will I ever have a decent relationship with my parents again? I worry about this all the time. It seems like since Blade & I moved back in with Matt after being apart for 4 1/2 years my parents have been distant. I used to call my mom to do stuff all the time but after always having her say no I finally stopped. So now we rarely see each other. They used to keep Blade every other weekend but they haven't done that in months. Holidays have been awkward as well. My Dad didn't even come to Blade's graduation... I'm unsure if it was because of me or Blade. My parents spend a lot of time with my brother, his fiance, and their kids and my other brother and his daughter... But we never seem to be invited to do things with any of them. It hurts to always be left out.
Weight loss... Ugh. I do so well for a little while and then I struggle. I am struggling now. I want everything I shouldn't have (cake, cookies, candy, fried everything) and I don't want the things I should be having (water, veggies, fruits, lean meat). I don't feel like exercising at all. I had been doing the elliptical most days of the week for 30-45 minutes. Now I never seem to have the time or energy. But I know that's just an excuse.
Sleep. I need sleep. But I can't seem to sleep. I'm up until at least midnight every night and for the last few weeks I've been waking up every hour or waking up around 3am and not going back to sleep even though I try.
Loneliness... I have friends I rarely talk to anymore and I miss them. I have a few people I text or fb regularly but I guess I need more...
Well, Matt's going to bed so I guess I will too. I'm sure I'll ramble some more soon. Hope this wasn't too terribly boring.
